The COVID-19 pandemic has to be on my list of the top worst things to happen to me. Having too much time to myself has been the most challenging thing about this whole social-distancing ordeal. I can usually rely on my friends at school or at work to help me get through tougher times and their presence is usually enough to help me get my thoughts together. I haven’t been able to see them as often as I need, and it’s taking a toll on my mental health.

 Being that adults still have bills to pay, even though businesses are closing, my manager has cut the hours of the teenagers significantly so the adults can pick up to provide for their families. What this means for myself is less time to see other people outside of the people in my house. 

Too much alone time can be a dangerous thing when you have such a happy personality with a sad soul. I don’t want to sound like I’m overreacting, but I’ve been very depressed this past month and school, cheer, and friends were a great distraction from myself. Now, without them, my only distraction is music and sleep, and I can only listen to the same songs so many times without crying. I can only sleep for so many hours throughout the day before I’m forced to  ¨Get up and find something productive to do.¨ I can only tell my parents so much. It’s tougher dealing with depression in an African American household being that they wouldn’t know how to react. Depression is seen as a joke and a phase to my family. Something that should be brushed under the rug, so that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do.

I’m trying to pick up as many hours as I can at work, even on off days so I won’t have as much alone time with my unbearable thoughts. I’m trying to read growth and healing books to better myself. I have yet to find a way to deal with my issue, but maybe with time, everything will get better for me. I just really miss school and my peers and I can’t wait for things to go back to normal. 

Dealing with pain and inner thoughts that are tearing me down day by day isn’t easy at all. The coronavirus has taken away one essential need for myself that I didn’t know I NEEDED until now: happiness. Happiness and overall self love would make life a whole lot easier during a crisis like this. I’m ready to just return back to school and finish my senior year with a better mentality.