For Better or For Worse

They say that every year in high school gets better, but I couldn’t disagree more with the turn of events that have happened during my junior year. It’s sad to see the fourth quarter of my junior year go completely down the drain, and watch as the days go by without the events I had looked forward to all year.

For me, junior year was a big year of change, growth and learning, especially within the last few months. I’ve learned a lot about myself and the people around me thanks to this quarantine giving me months to reflect on the things around me. In a way, social distancing hasn’t been all bad. I feel as though I wouldn’t have given myself the time to appreciate old and new hobbies I’ve picked up over quarantine, and I definitely would not have had time to do all of the self reflecting I’ve done. I’ve come to realize what I want and who I want to become, along with new goals and aspirations to shoot for, even in the midst of a difficult time. Yes, the last few months have definitely been the most challenging months I’ve had in quite some time, but realizing that not everything has to be completely terrible has been a great breakthrough on my end.

With all of that being said, I am still deeply saddened by the things I’ve missed out on. I missed out on my first prom, though I’d already made plans and had even bought my dress. I missed out on getting to say goodbye to all of my senior friends and getting to watch them graduate. But the biggest thing I’m sad about missing is the musical. Every year, I look forward to playing cello in the pit for the spring musical but that got taken away from me as well. I miss late night rehearsals and the inside jokes. I even miss the not-so-good nights, the nights where Tollenaer would get frustrated and walk out of the room, knowing we could do better. I miss singing Rocky’s alma mater before the show every night. I miss the rush of adrenaline I got before opening night and the bittersweet final show when the seniors walked onto the stage teary eyed knowing this was the last time they’d perform on Rocky’s stage. I miss being a part of something bigger than me.

I’ve spent lots of time mourning the events I’ve missed but I’ve realized that getting upset over it all won’t change anything and will only make me feel worse. Everything will work it’s way out and hopefully I’ll get to have a ‘normal’ senior year.